Gratitude journal # 4

 I am grateful that after two hours this morning, I have a new plan for how J can record videos he wants, have a camera for this purpose, and watch his YouTube channel without the undesired connection between posting videos on said channel. Everyone was safe last night even though there was lots of emotional pain all around and physical pain on my part. He also got is nails trimmed which I advised were a weapon and Tuesday and was not believed. 

A is still sleeping. He needs more than the time before school allows, but hopefully waking up to the digital copy of the new book he wanted will be some consolation. 

I am also grateful that I found this adorable kids movie - Thomas & Friends:The Christmas Letter Express. It’s giving all that’s cute, innocent, and lost at the moment. 

Gratitude journal #3

10.1.25

Lots to be grateful today. 

I'm grateful that despite a yelling and screaming meltdown in the middle of the night, no one or thing came to any harm. 

I am grateful that we are meeting with a new psychologist today, as well as have a checkin call with the psychiatrist. 

I am grateful the computer I am writing on did not break when J threw it on the ground last night. 

A made it to school close to on time and was excited to go because of STEM. 

J is still sleeping and will hopefully catch up on missing sleep. I do not know whether he was truly up so late because he couldn't find the cat whom he takes to bed, doctor anxiety, or what. It generally wraps up into him being far more rigid and is getting "stuck" in his head. This may be worsened due to stress, hormones, or the seeming easy answer that he has too much electronic time. We are seeking a variety of professional help, but I am concerned that the "easy" answer with either hurt him more or the more complex reasons behind it will be missed. Despite popular opinion, I lived with a book in my face as a child and play hours of video games. Many others lived in front of televisions. Those are (now) considered better options by many. To me, it's the same thing, just with different tech. J jumps on his trampoline, practices golf in the yard, cuddles with his cat, as well as divides his time between his 3-4 electronic interests. Definitely more than I and some of my peers who only had books in our hands did, I bet. 

To be continued.....

Gratitude journal - 2

 This was stuck in drafts from late May so I am posting without edits so I can start writing an update. 

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I thought about posting last week multiple times, but as expected, it just didn’t happen. 

Last week was hella stressful as anticipated, but everything got done. I made both music shows despite J having zero regard for me getting to work. Tuesday he was particularly trying as he was up early, dressed, etc, but just refused to get in the car. He was stuck cuddling on the couch with a cat that didn’t want to be cuddled. But he wasn’t hurting her or being exceptionally annoying—if he could only stay still I bet she would sleep on him. I said I wouldn’t attend his show, which he wanted me to do, but in the end couldn’t stick to it. And he did a great job, for which I’m very grateful. Sure, he got bored towards the end and kept playing with a set decoration, but it’s my understanding it was the third performance of the day so I can’t fault him too much. 

I am grateful that A seemed to not hate his music show, seemingly singing each song and dancing the electric slide like a pro. He did a great job playing a drum resulting in a lovely email from the teacher. She tooted her own horn is referencing her earlier decision to switch his classes, but I could care less how disagreeable people are to me so long as they are kind to my children, which she seems to be. 

I am grateful the boys got to sleep at their grandparents. Since J is staying up late at home and I no longer have a magic ability to get him to sleep, it doesn’t matter as much. Sure the toxic food is a problem, but there have been at least modest efforts to reduce the sugar. Plus, he inhaled 40 grams of sugar at home yesterday because i trusted him to stop wit the fruit snacks. Sure, A stays up too late but he also doesn’t have as much to do on Saturdays. 

Gratitude journal

 I know gratitude journals are not new things. Heck, they might not even be trendy anymore. However, things have been rough lately…pretty much the majority of the school year and I’m feeling a little defeated. So I thought I’d try it. I will likely include a bit about the day or past few days when I inevitably fall behind, but try to keep in mind the goal of remembering the positives. 

Today:

1. I am grateful and marvel that the J insisted on wearing a jacket. At the time, I thought he was bonkers as I had only planned on a sweater and his brother, who lives in a Gorilla Tag sweatshirt, was going without  But he was right and it feels cold and damp, notwithstanding the thermostat. To put it more succinctly, I am grateful that despite his many needs, his instincts towards self preservation are strong  

2.  I am grateful that breakfast was timely eaten and that we had everything we needed despite my lack of weekend prep. On Friday, I was completely out of milk for the first time I can remember, not even almond milk so I was making pancakes with extra yogurt!

3. I am grateful that despite his obstinacy in some instances, me waking A up by yelling (back story is that he slept in and then lazed about while J and I quarreled outside his door over J closing and locking the door, lol) didn’t result in him refusing to comply. He did read me the riot act on my plants, but that’s nothing new.

4. I am grateful that J only bothered one cat this morning and not too terribly. It was also the one who puts up with him the most. 

5. I am grateful that the boys made it to school on time and I made the train.

Yesterday was A, birthday party. J majorally wigged out. Who knows if he was nervous about a party with A’s friends or just in a mood for some other reason. I really didn’t want him to miss it as his dad was coming and bringing his little brother and gf’s son. I knew J likes seeing both the gf and her son, not to mention his dad, so I didn’t want him to miss out. It was pretty horrible though as he hit, threw stuff, broke things, and peed all over the bathroom floor. But for once in my life, I added 30 minutes to our departure time so I was grateful that was actually enough. He also held it together to the end and other than about another 30 minutes of wasted time, not much harm was done. 

I am grateful that I am caught up in furniture building for my aunt’s new house. She might actually get all her boxes unpacked this week which is a feat I’ve never accomplished in my dozen moves. I worry that she left her life of 40 yrs to be with us and want her to be happy here.

Until next time!